We do have a new pope. Over a billion people in the world have a new spiritual leader. As the leader of the Church of Monkeyland, I thought it appropriate that I say a word or five.

First, congrats to the new Pope. His original name was George Bergoglio, but he’s going to go by the alias of Pope Francis. I am sure there is a number after that, but I sure don’t know what it would be.

Now, this new Pope is considered a saint, and that’s good. The bad news…saints don’t fight back.

So how is this new Pope going to trash the moneylenders and send them packing, eh?

It’s a good question. And, I would like to let the Pop know (I know he is reading this blog, is, in fact, a faithful follower of this blog,) that if he wants to pilgrimage to Monkeyland I will give him a few free lessons in the martial arts.

It’s true. All he has to do is show up on my doorstep, with the proper attitude (but, please, do without the fancy robes), and I will give him lessons that result in him being the meanest, the baddest, the greatest Pop Pope ever to walk the walk.

I figure we’ll start out with some soft Tai Chi, lengthen his life a bit, enable him to enjoy being a Pop longer than normal. Hey, let’s face it, these guys are old, they don’t last long, they need every bit of help they can get!

Then, we’ll shift into some Shaolin, show him how to move and groove in the middle of the worst streetfight imaginable.

Why, when I get done with him, he will be renowned as the fightinest Pope ever to wear the robe.

Okey, dokey.

And, if any of you fellows out there want to get a little religion in your martial arts, I can teach you, too.

Of course, it might be more appropriate if you started out at Monster MArtial Arts, picked up some Matrixing, and then got yourself seriously serious.

You know?